Firstly, apologies for the long absence. I took some time off to enjoy a well deserved holiday with my daughters and also visit some of my family in Africa.
My trip home was quite a bitter sweet experience, one that was so different from all the other times. And the topic of today was the very reasons.
Continue reading Desires, Interpretation and Longing for God.
Hi All, how is everyone been doing? It’s been that weird changing of the season time. I wonder if I’m the only one who just feel a bit unusual when seasons change.
Anyway some time ago I wrote a post about disobedience and not doing what you are supposed to do, you can find it here. Unfortunately I’m here to confess that nothing has changed yet. It’s really got me thinking about the difference between knowing and doing….again. In all honesty I am drowning in doubt and fear.
Continue reading The pit of Fear and Doubt
I was driving last night, both kids fast asleep in the back and my church girl music on. I was in full worship mode.
I kept getting that feeling that there was something on my left, my guess is it was just reflection of the passenger seatbelt, there was no one on that seat, I knew that but I kept turning and looking that side…
So I jokingly said to myself, maybe Jesus is there next to me. Almost like a reflex I thought ‘no Jesus is supposed to be on the drivers seat of my life not the passenger’
….and that’s how this controversial blog title came from so hear me out. Continue reading Take Jesus off the drivers seat.
When I was growing up, I was surrounded by a lot of talk about demons and spiritual attacks. Full disclosure I used to always think that it’s just an exaggeration and would find logical reasons to explain what is going on….
So you can imagine how blown away I was as things start to happen around me that I can only describe as spiritual battles.
Continue reading The battle is not over, the venue has just changed
I started to blog more regularly as part of my healing process from shame. It seemed like the more I talked about it, the more light can come into my life.
I remember the day I made the decision, sitting in my car crying and just overwhelmed by so much going on around me. At the centre of it was shame, the process of just thinking about everything I have done in my life and just feeling so worthless and horrible. The worst part of it was feeling like I have no right to seek help, I’m not deserving of mercy or even life because I did all those things, I engaged in that promiscuous behaviour, I got myself into the bottle and even the sexual abuse, I exposed myself to those situations.
I ended up writing this on that day. It wasn’t so much that I believed it then but I definitely needed it more than I could ever imagine, and I just allowed the Holy Spirit to pour it out.
The biggest complaint I have now is simply that there is so much out there on how to deal with trauma, and bad things happening to you, and the more I listened to that the more the voice in my head became louder ‘well nothing happened to you, you did that to yourself.’ and when it does, I’m still left alone and in a dark space.
Continue reading Should have known and Could have done better