Tag Archives: self-development

Equally Yoked to What?

I have a confession to make. I didn’t post last week, not because I was busy, but because I was doing that thing, I do sometimes, where I have something in my heart to write but I don’t want to for various reasons/excuses. But here I am, hopefully I will get it all out.

The bible warns us about being unequally yoked, every  teaching I have seen on this has been about ensuring that as a believer you get into relationships, romantic or otherwise with another believer. Great.

But I have never heard anyone questioning or talking about the idea that non believers can be equally yoked or that sin itself can be yoked.

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It’s who I am

I spent the whole day in mental health first aid training on Tuesday, it was extremely exhausting and overwhelming for me. As a person who has struggled with mental health and suicidal thoughts, the topic is such an eggshell experience. I realise now that i’m scared of  being triggered more than anything else.

That same evening, I also had bible study, it so happened that the conversations at bible study was around the same thing, mental health and the concept of a prospering soul. I had a conversation with a friend of mine afterwards and she was quite taken back by what she called a coincidence. I had already talked to her after work about how the training made me feel, and was now explaining that because of bible study I now feel much better.

My friend then  said something that I have heard so many times and just used to dislike, she said “I wouldn’t have thought that something like that would bother you, you always seem to be so strong and handle everything well”…..

and so here we are talking about mental health, and identity..

Continue reading It’s who I am

Emptied Out – Intentionally Part 1

I’ve just been sitting here thinking about writing my next post, I have a few posts I could do and a few things I can talk about, but I also really don’t want to. It doesn’t quite feel right to do that.

What I thought I should talk about is how I feel right now. For some weeks now I feel “emptied out”, the reason I use the term emptied out rather than the more simpler “empty” is because the way I feel doesn’t quite have the negative connotation that emptiness contains, and more importantly the context and process I walked through to get here has quite the significance.

Continue reading Emptied Out – Intentionally Part 1

Growing up and Growing Old

I have a friend i call LF, she is the one person in my life i have the highest level of respect for, as a person, her level of personal growth and self-awareness. The other day we were having a disagreement on a silly rule i came up with in 2012, back then she thought it was silly and now she wants to enforce it. In the middle of the argument, the question came up ‘why am i opposing a rule I initially came up with’ and my answer was i grew up. She said to me ‘there is a difference between growing up and growing old’

‘growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional, and a state of mind’

Growing old and growing up are very easy to differentiate. As the years go by you know you are growing older, maybe not so much in your teenage years, but definitely once you cross over the quarter of a century mark. Approaching my 25th birthday has really made me realize more than anything that another year of life, on its own means just that, an extra year as a living, breathing person….and that is growing old.

So what is growing up? In the simplest form when you tell someone to ‘grow up’ you are basically telling them to behave in a more mature way. I read somewhere that being a “grown-up” demands that one has learned something from experience and continues to learn more as experience unfolds, and a very important indicator of maturity is balance. This is to mean that people who are mature and have ‘grown-up’ live a balanced life, find a balance between heart and head, logic and feeling, needs and wants, desire and necessity, society and self. LF would say growing up is realizing that as we grow old we have a responsibility to ourselves.

Growing up in Africa( and i do see how general i have been), i wonder if we are raised in a way that allows us to grow up or to grow old. WE have responsibilities to our society and we have what i would call ‘boxes’ to tick. It is pretty standard for every African no matter the culture or country, do well in school, go to university, get a job get married and create the next generation to start the cycle all over again. Somewhere in the process some people find themselves and manage to grow up, whilst the rest only find a way to meet the deadline for each of those boxes.

I suppose in the end it all comes down to one thing, emotions. The importance of feelings is something that is minimized and in-signified in our culture. There is no room for how you feel, just for what needs to be done. Some people can do this, and i admire them, i envy them because that is the easiest way to live. But for the rest of us, who have strong emotions and are possibly run by them it becomes a struggle and this is a part where you need balance. While it may seem difficult and at time impossible, finding a balance between your heart and your head is possible, finding a balance between your family/society and yourself is doable.