It’s morning and I want more than anything to choose life, to choose me. I have a pain in my heart, a pain I don’t know how to heal. I’m torn….
When I was a little child I needed to be loved accepted and kept safe. I was born in circumstances where I couldn’t be, I spent my whole life battling the thought, ‘if my own parents couldn’t love me enough to choose me…what does that say about me.’ And really what would it have looked like to be chosen? What does it look like…?
Continue reading Can one be torn and broken at the same time?
On any given day I’m a mother, a lawyer, an employee, a friend, a daughter and on the odd lucky day a potential crush for someone.
I start this to show you the different roles I play but more than that, the different “me” there is. I have in the last few months realised just how good I am at separating all my different roles into different lives
Continue reading Discovering yet another me – Christian Lawyer
One of my favorite thing these days is moments when I’m reading the Bible, I come across a scripture that I have read many other times before but it just gives a different picture. This time it happened in Mark 9 verse 17-28.
To cut a long story short, the passage is about a man who has a son that’s demon possessed. We find out the boy has been like that since he was born, its a deaf and mute spirit. This father has tried everything he can, he has approached the disciples but they could not drive the spirit away so he is now faced with Jesus himself. Continue reading When all you have left is Prayer
I’m going to get right into it. Its taken me this long to get the courage to talk about this…
For as long as I can remember my biggest problem with the world, with my life was that things were not easy. I started having ungodly thoughts (as Mom would put it) from a very young age, they mainly involved wanting to be non existent… I guess death wasn’t something I could fully comprehend so I just wanted, wished rather, to not exist. These progressed to being suicidal thoughts and I have been so close to attempting suicide 4 time in my life.
In the interest of full disclosure, the last time I really struggled with suicidal thoughts was nearly 13 months ago, it took me a whole 10 hours to drive what should have been 5 hours just to get home. It took praying, worship and on the phone prayers an conversations from one of my spiritual guides. I had to stop that many times and I had to drive that slow because high speeds and a motorway full of trucks just seemed like an easy way out. I could feel the battle, the friction between life and death so strongly inside of me… just because it was all too hard.
Continue reading The biggest lie I ever believed….