Tag Archives: God

Be Unoffendable And what to do when that fails

I started doing this thing where I put draft titles for posts to do later on…this was one of them, be unoffendable. But for the life of me I cannot remember why I wanted to talk about it…coincidentally this week just became about offences and insecurities.

Before I go on…it was my oldest daughter birthday. The last 9 years are truly a blur in my own eyes. I cannot tell anyone how I went from a deeply depressed hungover 19 year old girl who’s just found out she’s pregnant to being a financially stable and independent, successful career in law and relatively okay mother. It can only be God. Truly!!!

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Equally Yoked to What?

I have a confession to make. I didn’t post last week, not because I was busy, but because I was doing that thing, I do sometimes, where I have something in my heart to write but I don’t want to for various reasons/excuses. But here I am, hopefully I will get it all out.

The bible warns us about being unequally yoked, every  teaching I have seen on this has been about ensuring that as a believer you get into relationships, romantic or otherwise with another believer. Great.

But I have never heard anyone questioning or talking about the idea that non believers can be equally yoked or that sin itself can be yoked.

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God speaks

I have this post that I wanna write about, I been promising myself i’m going to write it next but every time, something drops in my spirit and I just have to write about that instead. I was reading @beautybeyondbones and she wrote about her experience with two different churches and just how as a Christians we really shouldn’t be this divided. I grew up in a traditional Methodist Church, I spent years in Hillsong Church and now attend a Pentecostal church.

There is so much I can say about the battles of the denomination but after reading that post, I found myself being more aware of it, and its just stuck with me, why do we criticize so much how another person worships God? I wanted to title this post Christian Hunger games, but decided not to…

Whilst I have a home church, I also have different churches I attend, I have friend who is an SDA pastor and occasional visit his church, I also have a friend who’s is a pastor in a CRC Church that I attend occasionally.

This past weekend I observed the sabbath for the first time, and I decided to watch re-runs of the I AM WOMAN conference. After the message ended I started to prepare myself for bed and tidy up the living room, youtube played the next video for me, and I remember just hearing the words, “what are we going to do about Beth Moore” and that caught my attention. 30 minutes later the entire segment was a critic of this preacher’s teaching because;

  • She said God spoke to her;
  • She believed God prompted her to do an act of kindness as opposed witnessing to the person about Jesus
  • She asked someone directly if they knew Jesus
  • Her testimony didn’t end with someone at church with her
  • She didn’t stick to the law in the Bible

I wanted to title this post 21st century pharisees. The people in this segment(who were preachers themselves) were so concerned about the law, essentially saying as Christians we need to stick to only speaking about what the Bible says and “how dare we say God speaks to us.”

Why did I feel like writing this post?

Well on Sunday night, as I was getting mine and the girls things ready for the school/work week, I was thinking back on those things I wanna blog about, about how I really came to an understanding of God and his love for me but more importantly why I didn’t see it for so long despite knowing God and believing in Christ. As I was deep in though, a song came to mind, dare I say God spoke to me, through a song, a rather popular pop song. Very inappropriate to the traditionalists but very appropriate to my current thoughts, the lyrics goes a little like this

I see you, you with him, he ain’t right but you don’t trip

You stand by, while he lies, then turn right round and forgive

I can’t take, to see your face with those tears running down yo cheeks

But what can I do, I gotta stay true, because deep down I’m still a G

This is my testimony, for me personally, the main thing that’s held me back from God was seeking love and approval from people. Whether it was my mother, my family, or relationships I been in. I have spent the majority of my life, wanting to be loved and staying in unhealthy relationships, making unhealthy bonds and attachments to things that couldn’t possibly fill me. I remember clear as day , thinking about my life and where I been and thinking, ‘how painful it must have been for God to see me going through all that when all I needed was to turn to him.’ And that was my turning point.

And I don’t wanna come between you and your man,

Even tho I know I’ll treat you better than he can

Girl I can’t help but wait

Till you get back wit him, it don’t change (Can’t help but wait)

Till you see that wit me, it ain’t the same (Can’t help but wait)

Till you, see you, for what you really are (Baby girl you are a star)

And I can’t help but wait

And what I have since learned about God. He respects us, he doesn’t invade us, force us to do what we aren’t willing to do. As crazy as it sounds, this was God speaking to me, because when I start to think about his love for me, and the journey I took instead, I beat myself up about knowing better but not doing better, I question why didn’t God just pull me and smack me right back in line. And he choose this unconventional song to say, I saw you for who you really were even when you were entangled up in sin, I was God I am God and will always be God, I can’t help but wait for you to see that.

So whats this got to do with Christian hunger games?

I have known God for as long as I can remember. I was not dragged to church as a child, Jesus led me there. All my life I have always felt a pull to him and to church. But nobody told me I had to have a relationship with God. All I did was try to live by the law , and when I tell you its hard, IT IS HARD. God knew that, that’s why he sent his one and only son to die for us.

Lets all love God in our own way, worship him and give him the Glory. I believe Jesus established a new covenant, based on relationship, I believe God gives us the gift of prophecy, I believe God speaks to all of us, at the same time I believe traditions are sacred. Whatever brings you closer to God and strengthens your relationship with him. Trust in him and he will lead the way.

 

Mother – Daughter relationships

Parental relationships are such an important and also sensitive matter. I have, for the longest time not had a relationship with both my parents. I was raised by my grand mother, not known who my father was until my late teens, and had my mother as a distant ‘person’ I knew of but never really knew. My step father, who had been with my mother since I was 6, I only met at 14.

This past weekend, at the age of 28, was the first time I actually had a good weekend with my parents, being my mother and step-father. Feelings of rejections, not fitting in and just being unloved were no longer there. A journey that was long and hard, but absolutely something that can only be God.

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It’s who I am

I spent the whole day in mental health first aid training on Tuesday, it was extremely exhausting and overwhelming for me. As a person who has struggled with mental health and suicidal thoughts, the topic is such an eggshell experience. I realise now that i’m scared of  being triggered more than anything else.

That same evening, I also had bible study, it so happened that the conversations at bible study was around the same thing, mental health and the concept of a prospering soul. I had a conversation with a friend of mine afterwards and she was quite taken back by what she called a coincidence. I had already talked to her after work about how the training made me feel, and was now explaining that because of bible study I now feel much better.

My friend then  said something that I have heard so many times and just used to dislike, she said “I wouldn’t have thought that something like that would bother you, you always seem to be so strong and handle everything well”…..

and so here we are talking about mental health, and identity..

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