I have been getting a little frustrated about my inability to write, I had something in mind to talk about but I kept feeling in my spirit that I have not yet had the full revelation…and then it came in the most unexpected way a thought planted in my mind
“it was never about the fall, it was always about the come back.
Continue reading We don’t know what we don’t know..But God does.
Likes, comments and shares. That’s today’s world right. I have a confession, I struggle with social media, I struggle with the concept of being out there, being known. It may just be the introvert in me or it may be some deep insecurity I don’t know…
Anyway this week I been really thinking about this concept of approval, validation and being celebrated.. Continue reading For the sake of ‘Right’
One of my favorite thing these days is moments when I’m reading the Bible, I come across a scripture that I have read many other times before but it just gives a different picture. This time it happened in Mark 9 verse 17-28.
To cut a long story short, the passage is about a man who has a son that’s demon possessed. We find out the boy has been like that since he was born, its a deaf and mute spirit. This father has tried everything he can, he has approached the disciples but they could not drive the spirit away so he is now faced with Jesus himself. Continue reading When all you have left is Prayer
Few months back I wrote about my insecurities and how they have affected my life. I wasn’t planning on writing about this again but lately I have been thinking about insecurities again and just noticing some of them pop up in my life.
It’s come to my attention that every time someone asks me about my past, I get scared, my heart races and suddenly I feel like I’m taking some sort of a test, FEAR. Instead of seeing this as some one being interested in who I am, my insecurities remind me of the most painful parts of my past, they begin to lie to me that I’m not worthy and tell me that this person is judging me and he/she will reject me once they see who i “truly” am.
I’m going to get right into it. Its taken me this long to get the courage to talk about this…
For as long as I can remember my biggest problem with the world, with my life was that things were not easy. I started having ungodly thoughts (as Mom would put it) from a very young age, they mainly involved wanting to be non existent… I guess death wasn’t something I could fully comprehend so I just wanted, wished rather, to not exist. These progressed to being suicidal thoughts and I have been so close to attempting suicide 4 time in my life.
In the interest of full disclosure, the last time I really struggled with suicidal thoughts was nearly 13 months ago, it took me a whole 10 hours to drive what should have been 5 hours just to get home. It took praying, worship and on the phone prayers an conversations from one of my spiritual guides. I had to stop that many times and I had to drive that slow because high speeds and a motorway full of trucks just seemed like an easy way out. I could feel the battle, the friction between life and death so strongly inside of me… just because it was all too hard.
IT’S WHO I AM 