I’m going to get right into it. Its taken me this long to get the courage to talk about this…
For as long as I can remember my biggest problem with the world, with my life was that things were not easy. I started having ungodly thoughts (as Mom would put it) from a very young age, they mainly involved wanting to be non existent… I guess death wasn’t something I could fully comprehend so I just wanted, wished rather, to not exist. These progressed to being suicidal thoughts and I have been so close to attempting suicide 4 time in my life.
In the interest of full disclosure, the last time I really struggled with suicidal thoughts was nearly 13 months ago, it took me a whole 10 hours to drive what should have been 5 hours just to get home. It took praying, worship and on the phone prayers an conversations from one of my spiritual guides. I had to stop that many times and I had to drive that slow because high speeds and a motorway full of trucks just seemed like an easy way out. I could feel the battle, the friction between life and death so strongly inside of me… just because it was all too hard.
Continue reading The biggest lie I ever believed….
In all my life and in my journey as a Christian, I don’t think I have ever considered what the consequences of disobedience are. In the back of my mind I knew there were some lasting consequences, such as your name not being in the book of life, but it never occurred to me until I experienced some immediate consequences…
I haven’t posted for a while now, and it was simply because of my disobedience, I felt quite blocked and couldn’t do anything, but perhaps more disturbing was feeling an emptiness and pull away from God’s presence…
Continue reading Could disobedience be blocking you?
I was driving last night, both kids fast asleep in the back and my church girl music on. I was in full worship mode.
I kept getting that feeling that there was something on my left, my guess is it was just reflection of the passenger seatbelt, there was no one on that seat, I knew that but I kept turning and looking that side…
So I jokingly said to myself, maybe Jesus is there next to me. Almost like a reflex I thought ‘no Jesus is supposed to be on the drivers seat of my life not the passenger’
….and that’s how this controversial blog title came from so hear me out. Continue reading Take Jesus off the drivers seat.
When I was growing up, I was surrounded by a lot of talk about demons and spiritual attacks. Full disclosure I used to always think that it’s just an exaggeration and would find logical reasons to explain what is going on….
So you can imagine how blown away I was as things start to happen around me that I can only describe as spiritual battles.
Continue reading The battle is not over, the venue has just changed
I was on youtube the other day just looking for something to watch and listen to. I came across a sermon titled “what’s on the other side of this crap” I know I know, call the Pharisees because this pastor just used non-Christian like language.
But if we being honest, most of us ask ourselves this question at least once or twice during our lifetime. You are struggling, life seems to be full of one obstacle after another, whether it’s lack, sickness, addiction or even just fear… Continue reading What’s on the other side of this Crap….