Few months back I wrote about my insecurities and how they have affected my life. I wasn’t planning on writing about this again but lately I have been thinking about insecurities again and just noticing some of them pop up in my life.
It’s come to my attention that every time someone asks me about my past, I get scared, my heart races and suddenly I feel like I’m taking some sort of a test, FEAR. Instead of seeing this as some one being interested in who I am, my insecurities remind me of the most painful parts of my past, they begin to lie to me that I’m not worthy and tell me that this person is judging me and he/she will reject me once they see who i “truly” am.
Continue reading The view from my insecurities (Part 2)
On my last post I spoke about the biggest lie I have believed. Since then I got to thinking about yet another lie of this world one that I see a lot of people believing and living in and i myself sometimes struggle with, despite knowing better.
Living my best life.
It’s obvious that everyone wants to live the best life that the can, and I do believe that God wants us to have the best life, he says in Ephesians he has plans to prosper and not harm us, plans to give us hope and a future.
The issue I have now is the context within which the term “living my best life” has been used especially in comparison to the concept of a Christian life. Continue reading Living my best life- the deception
It’s been a very interesting couple of days for me. Since writing about my own experiences with sexual trauma my mind has been a bit all over the place. I felt a bit bad about using another person story and whole heatedly hoped that it didn’t seem like I was comparing myself to her, because I was not, my situation was no where close to hers and I’m certain our experiences the same.
As God would have it, I discovered an entry I wrote on my computer almost a year ago, I don’t journal but for as long as I can remember when something is weighing me down I will write about it, because of this I have random word documents everywhere about everything you can think of. I read this particular one for the first time since it was written almost a year ago. When I read it, I heard God say it is finished, the chains are broken and you are set free.
This entry was all the battles I struggled with in my mind and heart, it’s basically my thought pattern, I don’t actually remember what was going on when I was writing it, other than I was sitting in the middle of my backyard and just typing what came through my head.
And I don’t know what this is about, but i feel proud when i read it, proud of who i am and my journey and what I’m doing with myself now…
Continue reading It is Finished…
When I started writing the idea of being anonymous was all I needed to be sold into the idea. I have been blogging for as long as my oldest daughter, 8 years, nearly 9 years..and in that whole time I haven’t been open about who I am.
As I’m growing into becoming, I’m learning to not be so afraid of my past and so afraid of rejection, thereby learning to be open and vulnerable about my journey. So as I sit here planning my blog and the vision I have for it, the question came up of a domain name. I want to use my name, – queue the identity battles. See I have been known by 2 names all my life. Continue reading Introducing myself – Identity battles
The journey of my redemption isn’t an awfully eventful one, I was not found almost dead, I hadn’t lost everything to the point of eating dusk.
No my story of redemption began in my bedroom, laying in my bed cursing morning sickness whilst at the same time enjoying the baby kick, my oldest daughter having just been picked up by her driver and probably already at school.
Continue reading My Testimony is my…But God