It’s morning and I want more than anything to choose life, to choose me. I have a pain in my heart, a pain I don’t know how to heal. I’m torn….
When I was a little child I needed to be loved accepted and kept safe. I was born in circumstances where I couldn’t be, I spent my whole life battling the thought, ‘if my own parents couldn’t love me enough to choose me…what does that say about me.’ And really what would it have looked like to be chosen? What does it look like…?
Continue reading Can one be torn and broken at the same time?
Few days ago I had a dream. Not a bad dream but it left me feeling some kinda way. In the dream one of my co-workers was planning a surprise for her partner ‘just because’ it was very sweet and just a scene out of a movie.
When I woke up I was feeling a bit uncomfortable about it, not at just the idea of dreaming about my co-workers but at the image of love the dream was showing me. Continue reading Relationship lens
Parental relationships are such an important and also sensitive matter. I have, for the longest time not had a relationship with both my parents. I was raised by my grand mother, not known who my father was until my late teens, and had my mother as a distant ‘person’ I knew of but never really knew. My step father, who had been with my mother since I was 6, I only met at 14.
This past weekend, at the age of 28, was the first time I actually had a good weekend with my parents, being my mother and step-father. Feelings of rejections, not fitting in and just being unloved were no longer there. A journey that was long and hard, but absolutely something that can only be God.
Continue reading Mother – Daughter relationships
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
Growing up my great grandmother had this verse in her living room, which means I saw it and read it every single day. It is most probably the first verse of the bible I ever knew. Followed closely by the Lord’s Prayer.
It dawned on me only a few days ago that I knew this verse by heart, you could wake me up from a deep sleep and I would tell it to you, it’s that engraved in me. Sadly, that’s all it is, repetition of what I read, I knew the verse and I knew what it said but I never really understood what it means.
Continue reading I knew but didn’t understand (Part 1 understanding God’s love)
DM, DM, DM. I love this man but my God he can be frustrating.
this man has literally invaded my world and then stood there and said nope, that’s not it. He’s challenged everything about me and my past and still has questions.
Continue reading How far I have come