Category Archives: healing

The pit of Fear and Doubt

Hi All, how is everyone been doing? It’s been that weird changing of the season time. I wonder if I’m the only one who just feel a bit unusual when seasons change.

Anyway some time ago I wrote a post about disobedience and not doing what you are supposed to do, you can find it here. Unfortunately I’m here to confess that nothing has changed yet. It’s really got me thinking about the difference between knowing and doing….again. In all honesty I am drowning in doubt and fear.

Continue reading The pit of Fear and Doubt

It is Finished…

It’s been a very interesting couple of days for me. Since writing about my own experiences with sexual trauma my mind has been a bit all over the place. I felt a bit bad about using another person story and whole heatedly hoped that it didn’t seem like I was comparing myself to her, because I was not, my situation was no where close to hers and I’m certain our experiences the same.

As God would have it, I discovered an entry I wrote on my computer almost  a year ago, I don’t journal but for as long as I can remember when something is weighing me down I will write about it, because of this I have random word documents everywhere about everything you can think of. I read this particular one for the first time since it was written almost a year ago. When I read it, I heard God say it is finished, the chains are broken and you are set free.

This entry was all the battles I struggled with in my mind and heart, it’s basically my thought pattern, I don’t actually remember what was going on when I was writing it, other than I was sitting in the middle of my backyard and just typing what came through my head.

And I don’t know what this is about, but i feel proud when i read it, proud of who i am and my journey and what I’m doing with myself now…

Continue reading It is Finished…

Pretty Hurts

This is by far the most personal and hard post I ever had to do. I know I have to write it for no other reason than to let it out. I been sick to my stomach just thinking about these things.

With the release of Cyntoia Brown coming in next few days she’s been in the news again. And I have to say I thank God that she gets a second chance at life but mostly that her story is already impacting so many young life’s and will hopefully impact much more. Continue reading Pretty Hurts

The battle is not over, the venue has just changed

When I was growing up, I was surrounded by a lot of talk about demons and spiritual attacks. Full disclosure I used to always think that it’s just an exaggeration and would find logical reasons to explain what is going on….

So you can imagine how blown away I was as things start to happen around me that I can only describe as spiritual battles.

Continue reading The battle is not over, the venue has just changed

Should have known and Could have done better

I started to blog more regularly as part of my healing process from shame. It seemed like the more I talked about it, the more light can come into my life.

I remember the day I made the decision, sitting in my car crying and just overwhelmed by so much going on around me. At the centre of it was shame, the process of just thinking about everything I have done in my life and just feeling so worthless and horrible. The worst part of it was feeling like I have no right to seek help, I’m not deserving of mercy or even life because I did all those things, I engaged in that promiscuous behaviour, I got myself into the bottle and even the sexual abuse, I exposed myself to those situations.

I ended up writing this on that day. It wasn’t so much that I believed it then but I definitely  needed it more than I could ever imagine, and I just allowed the Holy Spirit to pour it out.

The biggest complaint I have now is simply that there is so much out there on how to deal with trauma, and bad things happening to you, and the more I listened to that the more the voice in my head became louder ‘well nothing happened to you, you did that to yourself.’ and  when it does, I’m still left alone and in a dark space.

Continue reading Should have known and Could have done better