Category Archives: God

God speaks

I have this post that I wanna write about, I been promising myself i’m going to write it next but every time, something drops in my spirit and I just have to write about that instead. I was reading @beautybeyondbones and she wrote about her experience with two different churches and just how as a Christians we really shouldn’t be this divided. I grew up in a traditional Methodist Church, I spent years in Hillsong Church and now attend a Pentecostal church.

There is so much I can say about the battles of the denomination but after reading that post, I found myself being more aware of it, and its just stuck with me, why do we criticize so much how another person worships God? I wanted to title this post Christian Hunger games, but decided not to…

Whilst I have a home church, I also have different churches I attend, I have friend who is an SDA pastor and occasional visit his church, I also have a friend who’s is a pastor in a CRC Church that I attend occasionally.

This past weekend I observed the sabbath for the first time, and I decided to watch re-runs of the I AM WOMAN conference. After the message ended I started to prepare myself for bed and tidy up the living room, youtube played the next video for me, and I remember just hearing the words, “what are we going to do about Beth Moore” and that caught my attention. 30 minutes later the entire segment was a critic of this preacher’s teaching because;

  • She said God spoke to her;
  • She believed God prompted her to do an act of kindness as opposed witnessing to the person about Jesus
  • She asked someone directly if they knew Jesus
  • Her testimony didn’t end with someone at church with her
  • She didn’t stick to the law in the Bible

I wanted to title this post 21st century pharisees. The people in this segment(who were preachers themselves) were so concerned about the law, essentially saying as Christians we need to stick to only speaking about what the Bible says and “how dare we say God speaks to us.”

Why did I feel like writing this post?

Well on Sunday night, as I was getting mine and the girls things ready for the school/work week, I was thinking back on those things I wanna blog about, about how I really came to an understanding of God and his love for me but more importantly why I didn’t see it for so long despite knowing God and believing in Christ. As I was deep in though, a song came to mind, dare I say God spoke to me, through a song, a rather popular pop song. Very inappropriate to the traditionalists but very appropriate to my current thoughts, the lyrics goes a little like this

I see you, you with him, he ain’t right but you don’t trip

You stand by, while he lies, then turn right round and forgive

I can’t take, to see your face with those tears running down yo cheeks

But what can I do, I gotta stay true, because deep down I’m still a G

This is my testimony, for me personally, the main thing that’s held me back from God was seeking love and approval from people. Whether it was my mother, my family, or relationships I been in. I have spent the majority of my life, wanting to be loved and staying in unhealthy relationships, making unhealthy bonds and attachments to things that couldn’t possibly fill me. I remember clear as day , thinking about my life and where I been and thinking, ‘how painful it must have been for God to see me going through all that when all I needed was to turn to him.’ And that was my turning point.

And I don’t wanna come between you and your man,

Even tho I know I’ll treat you better than he can

Girl I can’t help but wait

Till you get back wit him, it don’t change (Can’t help but wait)

Till you see that wit me, it ain’t the same (Can’t help but wait)

Till you, see you, for what you really are (Baby girl you are a star)

And I can’t help but wait

And what I have since learned about God. He respects us, he doesn’t invade us, force us to do what we aren’t willing to do. As crazy as it sounds, this was God speaking to me, because when I start to think about his love for me, and the journey I took instead, I beat myself up about knowing better but not doing better, I question why didn’t God just pull me and smack me right back in line. And he choose this unconventional song to say, I saw you for who you really were even when you were entangled up in sin, I was God I am God and will always be God, I can’t help but wait for you to see that.

So whats this got to do with Christian hunger games?

I have known God for as long as I can remember. I was not dragged to church as a child, Jesus led me there. All my life I have always felt a pull to him and to church. But nobody told me I had to have a relationship with God. All I did was try to live by the law , and when I tell you its hard, IT IS HARD. God knew that, that’s why he sent his one and only son to die for us.

Lets all love God in our own way, worship him and give him the Glory. I believe Jesus established a new covenant, based on relationship, I believe God gives us the gift of prophecy, I believe God speaks to all of us, at the same time I believe traditions are sacred. Whatever brings you closer to God and strengthens your relationship with him. Trust in him and he will lead the way.


Mother – Daughter relationships

Parental relationships are such an important and also sensitive matter. I have, for the longest time not had a relationship with both my parents. I was raised by my grand mother, not known who my father was until my late teens, and had my mother as a distant ‘person’ I knew of but never really knew. My step father, who had been with my mother since I was 6, I only met at 14.

This past weekend, at the age of 28, was the first time I actually had a good weekend with my parents, being my mother and step-father. Feelings of rejections, not fitting in and just being unloved were no longer there. A journey that was long and hard, but absolutely something that can only be God.

Continue reading Mother – Daughter relationships

Emptied Out – To be filled again

On my last post, I did not get to the no-so-fun part of being emptied out. You see whilst being emptied out doesn’t make you feel void, it often feels idle. And in a world that has a busy-ness culture that can be a dangerous position to be in.

When I reached the stage of being emptied out, my first reaction -for lack of a better word, was to  want to do something, I felt so much drive to be something, the expectation of what I’m going to do next, where my life is going and what it’s going to be like was almost too felt a lot like this ‘wait’, that nearly every Christian talks about

Its almost comical because I have seen and heard a lot of people talk about their waiting season, and what to do while waiting on God, most time I understood what they said, the basics of it, like they waiting on something better to happen, but I never really knew exactly what they meant, coupled by the miss-independent-go-getter-attitude I have that says “i don’t wait for things to happen i make them happen.”

Continue reading Emptied Out – To be filled again

Emptied Out – Intentionally Part 1

I’ve just been sitting here thinking about writing my next post, I have a few posts I could do and a few things I can talk about, but I also really don’t want to. It doesn’t quite feel right to do that.

What I thought I should talk about is how I feel right now. For some weeks now I feel “emptied out”, the reason I use the term emptied out rather than the more simpler “empty” is because the way I feel doesn’t quite have the negative connotation that emptiness contains, and more importantly the context and process I walked through to get here has quite the significance.

Continue reading Emptied Out – Intentionally Part 1

Living outside his will ( God reality TV)

I was listening to a message the other day and the pastor said,

“We create environments then find ways to survive those environments rather than end them”

I laughed thinking well I guess humanity is creating a reality show for God. It’s real, for us, but not really what God has planned for us, and much like a reality show, not really what should or needs to happen and often times we behave this way for the sake of entertainment… Continue reading Living outside his will ( God reality TV)