I like to keep things authentic. I started writing this post about 2 weeks ago. Before I was able to complete it I felt a call to silence and prayer, and so I stopped writing. I’m not going to change anything in it but will continue where I left off.
It’s almost the end of the year. everyone is busy preparing for the holidays, whatever they may mean to you. And more importantly getting ready for the new year. Its almost impossible not to spend this time reflecting on where you been and what you wish you had achieved or will achieve next year.
Over the years I used to spend this time of year depressed in some form and hopeful in another. Disappointed in my life and what that year had for me and also motivated to change in the new year. I cannot tell you how many “fresh” starts I have had in my life. Always determined to become a new person, to be a better person and to do better.
This year is a little different, this year I’m filled with gratitude, joy and I cant help but be in love with my journey.
Continue reading 2019 Reflections
I’m going to get right into it. Its taken me this long to get the courage to talk about this…
For as long as I can remember my biggest problem with the world, with my life was that things were not easy. I started having ungodly thoughts (as Mom would put it) from a very young age, they mainly involved wanting to be non existent… I guess death wasn’t something I could fully comprehend so I just wanted, wished rather, to not exist. These progressed to being suicidal thoughts and I have been so close to attempting suicide 4 time in my life.
In the interest of full disclosure, the last time I really struggled with suicidal thoughts was nearly 13 months ago, it took me a whole 10 hours to drive what should have been 5 hours just to get home. It took praying, worship and on the phone prayers an conversations from one of my spiritual guides. I had to stop that many times and I had to drive that slow because high speeds and a motorway full of trucks just seemed like an easy way out. I could feel the battle, the friction between life and death so strongly inside of me… just because it was all too hard.
Continue reading The biggest lie I ever believed….
Firstly, apologies for the long absence. I took some time off to enjoy a well deserved holiday with my daughters and also visit some of my family in Africa.
My trip home was quite a bitter sweet experience, one that was so different from all the other times. And the topic of today was the very reasons.
Continue reading Desires, Interpretation and Longing for God.
In all my life and in my journey as a Christian, I don’t think I have ever considered what the consequences of disobedience are. In the back of my mind I knew there were some lasting consequences, such as your name not being in the book of life, but it never occurred to me until I experienced some immediate consequences…
I haven’t posted for a while now, and it was simply because of my disobedience, I felt quite blocked and couldn’t do anything, but perhaps more disturbing was feeling an emptiness and pull away from God’s presence…
Continue reading Could disobedience be blocking you?
I was driving last night, both kids fast asleep in the back and my church girl music on. I was in full worship mode.
I kept getting that feeling that there was something on my left, my guess is it was just reflection of the passenger seatbelt, there was no one on that seat, I knew that but I kept turning and looking that side…
So I jokingly said to myself, maybe Jesus is there next to me. Almost like a reflex I thought ‘no Jesus is supposed to be on the drivers seat of my life not the passenger’
….and that’s how this controversial blog title came from so hear me out. Continue reading Take Jesus off the drivers seat.