Permission to not be ok…

Someone reminded me of this Blog a few day’s ago, not that I had forgotten but that I’m not posting on it. I’m glad they did.

When I came back to it, I was taken back by my last post, being the believer I am, all I could say was God your really are all knowing. I have mentioned before I only really post when I feel God speaking to me about something I should write about, indeed he knew I would be going into a season of silence.

So what had happened was…

Covid took over the world, news, social media even the blogging world. My anxiety couldn’t take it. While I was still struggling with that the racial unrest began, my heart simply could not handle it.

I prayed about the matter and decided to give myself permission to not be ok. The culture we live is so much about pushing yourself to the limit and just doing it even when you not ok.

For me permission not to be ok, involved and included permission to not create. I stepped back from everything and focused day by day on getting through.

I’m glad I did, like I said God is all knowing. I had a major depression episode and because I had permission not to be ok, I wasn’t about to try fight it myself like I ordinarily would, rather I just skipped to the asking for help part. and I did get help, faster and better than ever before.

This pandemic season has been many things to many people. It has taught me what I’m capable of, it has provided me opportunity to know, to spend time with, to really see and deal with myself as I truly am, as well as my children.

2020 was asking us to rest but oh how we fought it. I actually had to get to a point where I became still and stopped fighting the changes that we all had to make in order to feel something again.

I feel God whispering to me to start writing again, so I guess I’m back.

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