I have a confession to make. I didn’t post last week, not because I was busy, but because I was doing that thing, I do sometimes, where I have something in my heart to write but I don’t want to for various reasons/excuses. But here I am, hopefully I will get it all out.
The bible warns us about being unequally yoked, every teaching I have seen on this has been about ensuring that as a believer you get into relationships, romantic or otherwise with another believer. Great.
But I have never heard anyone questioning or talking about the idea that non believers can be equally yoked or that sin itself can be yoked.
I’m no theologian but there is no indication that the word yoked, refers to just being a believer, however as a believer you should not be unequally yoked with a non-believer, leading me to believe being yoked- could simply be, being in deep connection with -.
I got into my last relationship just at the very first steps of my walk with God, I met this guy (previously referred to as DM in past post) in a fairly ordinary way. When I met DM, I was not looking for a relationship nor did I initially see him as such. We connected over something completely non-romantic. But the whole thing happened so quickly.
The thing about the journey of walking with God after being away from him, it’s not often as easy as just a decision during the alter-call and suddenly you are righteous and can do no wrong.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places
Ephesians 6:12 KJV
When you have been so used to a something, whether it’s a lifestyle, relationship dysfunctions, alcohol, culture or sin. The decision to walk with God, is essentially declaration of war against your flesh,habits and our sinful nature. And boy was I in war.
Even though I was still in this battle with sin and my life in general, I remembered two things, I need to not be unequally yoked, and I need to pray about it. I want to say that I prayed about whether or not the relationship should continue, however I had no self control and that meant I closed my eyes and said God is this what you want me to do or not, but I was not waiting for an answer nor I have the wisdom to listen at the time.
However what I did do was have the conversation about God. I checked if we are ‘equally yoked‘, and I believed- (still do) we were in some capacity. He, much like me had known God nearly his whole life, believes in God, but wasn’t walking with God. He believed that its something that ‘we’ need to do and he was whole heartedly supportive of my desire to ‘get right with God.’
Because of that ⇑ and this ⇓ I believe we were equally yoked however not in a healthy nor Godly way.
We had such a powerful connection and bond, at the time it felt like just what you would call “soul mates” But we were so attracted to our own dysfunctions. We were dysfunctional in similar ways, our wounds and pain were so closely related, we used to joke about being the mirror of each other.
I don’t know what or where I would be if this relationship started a few months before, but all I know is, the war got fierce between, who I used to be, the person who God made me to be, the person I was now, essentially torn between those two…because of the relationship.
The relationship turned on the spotlight and shone it over every single corner of my life. DM had this ability to dig into my pain and wounds and past and reveal all these things. He would then ‘normalise it’ the darkness and the sin….and in came the Holy Spirit and his convictions.
DM was head over heals with who I used to be, he connected with that person, he understood her, and I have to admit it felt good for me to have someone who doesn’t make me feel like the black sheep, or the weird girl who doesn’t fit. He was comfortable and at ease with who I used to be and a big part of me was too. I still think about it now, if I had never moved from the place I was, we would have been a powerful worldly couple.
On the other hand I was falling in’love with God everyday, desiring him more, I was praying even in the darkest pit of sin, it was strange. This friction caused so many frustration and trust issues between us because who I say I was and want to be was sometimes not what I do, I experienced it just as Paul described it;
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
There were so many times throughout our relationship where I felt this war in me, physically. Doing what feels comfortable and ‘normal’ to me, as its who I used to be, however being fully and consciously aware that its not what I want to do nor is it that which is his good and pleasing will. I know it sounds dramatic but the Holy Spirit convicted me in a way that I sometimes felt like I was going to die.
In the end our relationship ended, in rather unusual way. I want to say I resisted falling, but I had neither the willpower nor the strength to do that. I did however get some help in not holding onto it longer than I needed to, through him that which gets stronger as I get weaker.
I don’t know where I am with the idea of being grateful and thankful for painful seasons of my life. I cant however deny that, the relationship helped me see my life clearly, emphasised my need for God more than before, and I don’t believe I would have made this much progress if I hadn’t gone through that.
Why do I think we were equally yoked?
Again, our fleshly ways and worldly patterns complimented each other, We were on the same level of faith and belief in God. Its a relationship I believe if I didn’t continue to press on with my relationship with God, it could have lasted for however long I stayed outside of God’s will. And knowing what I know now, if I had met him today, I would not have gotten into the relationship.
Perhaps its the cycles I move in, but this experience has really made me wonder if maybe we need to expand more on being ‘equally yoked’, talk more about testing the source of attraction or rather the subject of attraction. I don’t think I have ever in my question stopped to think, what is causing this attraction I feel?’
We all know of the rising divorce rates, up there is the top reasons for divorces is “we just grew apart” i.e the things were were attracted to in each other are no longer there.
Tell me what you think.