2018 Reflection

so what its 16 days late.

2018 was an incredibly filled miraculous year for me. I can’t believe it just thinking back on what has happened.

I started 2018 in a broken relationship, no sense of direction when it came to my career and 50% of liquids in my body was alcohol. Not exactly a great start to life is it. I struggled for the first few weeks to figure out exactly what i’m doing with my life, but the more I stopped to really think and pay attention to where I am at, what I like and don’t like the more I felt a desire grow in me, to change the direction of my life.

And so there was nothing left but to answer the call. Don’t get me wrong it was not easy, and the reality of life is, time doesn’t stop for you to figure stuff out, in fact more things get piled on you as you are figuring out shit.

In the most painful way possible;

  • I truly discovered that I matter, not just in “the idea in my head but never fully realize my worth type of way”, but I learned and understood that it matters what I think, feel and want. What has always been done, what society tells me what I see happening takes the back seat to what’s in my heart.
  • I was able to differentiate who I am from the habits I acquired along my journey as a result of circumstances.
  • I learned that discipline, self control and doing the right thing isn’t about other people, it is about me, my heart and my desires.
  • As profound as this sounds, I learnt that I am as entitled to be in this world as anyone else, that what I have done or what has happened in my past does not diminish my humanity in any way.
  • I learnt to trust myself again, believe that I know who I am, what I want and what’s best for me.
  • I learnt to trust in God, in his purpose and Will for my life.

For a long time I yearned for the person I was before life happened, – that’s how I would put it. Really what I missed was the peace I felt then, not realizing I never lost it. The place and source of that peace has been with me all along. I experienced a miraculous healing, not an affirmation I have to keep reminding myself of, but a healing that occurred where the brokenness began.

2018 was a year of transformation, 2019 will without a doubt be a year of release. Time to live the life that was meant for me,

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