Tree change, second thoughts and bitter sweet experiences.

Somehow I managed to move interstate, 1000 or so km without much of a fuss or noise.

This move seems like quite a big deal, a big change and a big everything to everyone else except me. I’m trying not to make a fuss out of it but I really don’t understand what seems so drastic about it. The way I see it, I had nothing keeping me in Sydney, I got offered a better job, both in the substantial work and the pay and I was really unhappy in the city.

The hardest part of the move was DM, I went back and forth on this decision but in the end I choose to go through with it. Had I stayed it would have simply been delaying the inevitable, but even more so, DM and I have only just met and the state of the relationship wasn’t giving much of hope for a near future. It was the right decision but God damn a huge part of my heart wishes I didn’t go, I’m terrified I will lose something good over this.

so here I am, in exactly the place suited for me, I’m calm and my soul is at peace. The children are adjusting well and are actually happy it’s incredible. I’m really excited to start work and just looking forward to getting right into it…but my heart, my heart is torn, hurting and unsettled. I miss DM and I can’t help wonder if he’s just not willing to do this with me, it be a shame, a painful shame if we don’t get to explore this beautiful thing we started.

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