A question that a lot of us contemplate at some point in our lives, who am I? I suppose if you haven’t you are the lucky few. But what brings it up?
I wonder if the reason I did was that I wanted to fit in somewhere anywhere but felt like I couldn’t. Or was it I wanted so desperately to be like everyone or ‘normal’. For the majority of the years I have been depressed and struggled with anxiety there’s one thing I always wanted, something to grip and say this is who T is, this is me in all my glory.
Imagine my surprise when I finally realized that what I have been looking for is in me, I already have. What I believe I want is nothing but an illusion. Who I am Is just a confirmation of physical part, perceptions, preconditions and emotions. There’s no single thing I can hold on to that stands separate to all else that I can say this is me.
The idea that I’m not separate from all the things that make me, from my environment and from everything else around me has been liberating, indeed a path to enlightenment.
As of now, as I am on this journey, who I don’t matter because who I am is not permanent, what I am now is not who I was yesterday, an hour ago nor who I will be tomorrow. My actions, reactions and emotions do not define me, they define my experience in the given circumstances.