This year began rather strong for me, I guess being confronted with this life and balancing a career and kids and one going to school, it all became too much. My annual depression visit came a little early, although luckily my anxiety was a bit down.
Its no secret, maybe not widely talked about that I have had such a hard time with feeling like 2014 and in some way first part of 2015 I didn’t learn anything, I didn’t get anything from those years I could apply to my life, it was all confirmation of those things I already knew about myself.
Looking back 2016 was a ride, one that was filled with nothing but anxiety, when 2016 began I was convinced I had to take back my life by planning every detail of it and having everyone around me prove they deserved to be in my life. Did I achieve any of it, no..but I did learn something anxiety will suffocate me and suck the life out of me if I let it.
It’s only the second month of the year and I feel like I have learnt so much, I believe these are very important things and I guess that’s why I document it, so I can look back whenever things are looking a bit dark.
1. Don’t put a time on it
When I was talking to my mother, God bless her, she really didn’t know how to handle it, finally knowing the darkness I live with, the only thing she could say was that, don’t put a time on anything. And she’s right anxiety tells you that everything is urgent it needs to be done now, depression tells you you are worthless, all this time has passed and you accomplishmed nothing. And she’s right all pity parties are full of I should have done this and that by this time and that’s how you get in deeper and deeper. That was 2016 for me chasing time, nothing going according to plan because month after month passing by and my plan still left behind.
2. Jump on it and use it
Another friend of mine on two occasions said something that stuck with me about anxiety. He said anxiety is like your body telling you there’s a lion in front of you, now how are you going to react, try to run from a pigment of your imagination? If you can really believe that a lion is in front if you so well you body believes it then jump on it and use it to get through all the other challenges. He add, be aggressive so aggressive to get through the anxiety just as aggressive as you are when getting rid of cockroaches in your house.
3. Acceptance can sometimes set you free.
I remember telling my mom that my life is what it is, that was being said in a deep cloud that made me believe that I’m not meant to be happy. I didn’t realize it till today, but its true, my life is what it is, nothing will come to me easy because I wasn’t born with that privilege. Is that giving up? I think not, I think what it means is that with everything I do with my life I will put that much more effort because I’m expecting a hurdle, worst case scenario is i will get as close as possible to what i want and best case scenario is i will get above and beyond.
That’s not such a bad way to live is it?